I know it has been a while since the last post. A few days after the last post I was hit head-on by a car who failed to yield right of way.
Today is 31 days since I was hit, the recovery has been a long process both physically and emotionally.
I still can’t ride, and each day that passes it has been harder to cope with. It is harder each day to keep the optimism alive and going. At first I was doing it for other people’s sake or at least I kept telling myself. I recently understood I really had to say it out loud for my own benefit.
I thought that after a week I would be up and moving around with no problems. It hasn’t been the case each day well hour that passes I feel as I am being pulled further into a deep abyss. I kept reading everyone’s posts on riding and thought yup by the end of the week I will be ready. That end of week has yet to arrive. I really only want to take pleasure in other people’s rides but there is this darkness and envy that goes on within me when I read these posts. The notion that they get to have so much joy out of life while I stay in bed recovering has been really difficult to deal with. Especially when I see any complaints, really what do you have to complain about there are so many other people dealing with much tougher situations, one being me.
I thought recovery was going to be easy. I was going to read through all my unread books. Well not the case, since there was so much back damage, relaxing didn’t include sitting or propping myself up. It means laying flat in bed at least 16 hours a day the more the better. Yup just lying in bed, it is hard to sleep that many hours every day but I try especially if I want to be taken out of my prison to see people and work on the things that are keeping me well sane and happy.
I have a mission of safety for everyone, so when I get out I try to make the most of my time. There are a lot of things to be done and I plan on getting everything done.
I know it’s been really tough and I still have a long road ahead but I have something to be positive about when it comes to cycling which is my advocism and I won’t stop till what needs to be done is done even if I can’t ride for another 31 days or 31 years.